I think we both made the decision in the dark, in the wee hours of the morning while peering over at our more-than-awake baby over and over...and over again. Or perhaps my husband made the decision after many nights of me crying my way through, often muttering ungrateful things under my breath....I found myself having to apologize a lot after downing a
Sleep deprivation can make you say some awful things.
Honestly, after dragging my tired bum out of bed each morning, despite how horrible of a night we had....it always got better. And I would think to myself, I need to be thanking God that we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and two amazing boys.
How I wished my mind would stay in that positive state during the many nighttime wakings.
Needless to say, we knew the day would come when we would need to say good-bye to our home again, this time for good.
We have officially outgrown the walls, and they are bursting at the seams. I don't know if I have truly allowed my heart to get involved yet, as everything still seems a bit surreal. Despite how I have acted towards our home the past month or so, I really do hold it in a special place in my heart.
It is the house that I found lined with candles and flowers as I unsuspectingly showed up for a date...only to be met with my man on bended knee, with a rock, and some sweet words. It is the first home I got to move in to after saying "I do" and the first place I ever got to share with a boy.
And almost 6 months later....
The home we hugged and cried in as we found out we were going to be a family of three. The home that held our first nursery, the home we brought our first bundle home in. The home with the perfect hallway to pace and walk not-so-sleepy newborns in. The place that taught my oldest boundaries, and where he learned to crawl and explore in. The home that is more often then not, covered with train tracks and cars. There are fingerprints on the coffee table, and a smudge on the TV. Some might call it messy, I call it sentimental....fingerprints that are too sweet to wipe clean. The home that has seen the growing of yet another little boy.....the boy that has overtaken our room with his coos, smiles, and screams. The one who is the culprit of me falling asleep sitting up, and sometimes spending more time entertaining himself than actually sleeping. Me and 3AM have become somewhat good friends within these walls, thanks to our littlest man.
Yes, these walls have seen much love and many memories in the making. They have seen us in our most vulnerable, and in our biggest joys.
I am excited, stressed, and a bottle of nerves. I am nervous we won't find what we are wanting, yet I am excited to know that God will provide just what we need.
He knows we need our own room back, but I think He also knows that despite what I say or when I cry from the lack of sleep....deep down I am going to miss having my Benny boy sleeping 2 feet from us, I'm going to miss holding my breath just to make sure I can still hear him breathing. And I'm going to miss waking up to two bright eyes staring over at me.
And don't forget all the memories that seep from every corner of this house...I will hold them close to my heart forever.
So, we are doing this,we are saying good-bye to the walls that helped make this house our home. We are going to run around like crazy chickens making sure our house is in tip-top shape should someone call to come look. I have bins available to dump and stash things in, so that people can think I am a rock star mom who knows how to keep a clean, calm house with 2 boys. (ha!)
It's time, it's time to give our boys a house where they will have more room to do this....
Hopefully with more rocks and more grass...
A home with walls that can get to know us as well as these have.
And if it crosses your mind, could you please send up a quick prayer that God will direct us right where He wants us. Our hope is to find a home that will be with our family for many years to come...
I will try my best to keep everyone updated as we go along this process. Thanks in advance for all of the support and prayers!