Thursday, August 28, 2014

What baby eats

So wow. At first this pregnancy seemed to be moving at a snails pace, then all of a sudden I realize I never did week 16 update, and completely forgot to even take a picture! AAAAAANNNNDDD tomorrow happens to be a very big day. We get to officially find out if we will  be celebrating with bow ties or tutus! EEEK!

Oh, and I'm going to totally throw things all off and actually post a recipe. Because it's been way too long, and I'm finally able to stand the smell of most things again. I still clutch tightly to my zofran, and random dry heaves can hit at just about any time....but I think I'm starting to feel more better than bad. So things are looking up!

But let's start with what we had for dinner last night. I'm finding that I am constantly looking for super quick and super easy meals lately. I still haven't seemed to have gotten that second trimester energy spurt, so if I can conserve any kind of energy, I do.

And this recipe is about as easy as counting 1-2-3. So easy, that Bennett was even my sous chef. And get this, there were no major catastrophes. However, every time I turned around I caught him with his little fingers dipping into the mixture licking them with delight. I knew he was sold.

Green Chili Chicken Enchilada Casserole is where it's at. Both boys thought so, and both scarfed down way more than I had anticipated. And by scarf, I mean Bennett ditched his fork and went in with both fists. And Cole ate about 4 fully unpersuaded bites and ended with a "Mmmm, mama this is good!"  4 bites. I think that is a record. So I have quadruple starred this recipe, and may be making it on a weekly basis.

Please, don't let the picture scare you out of trying this recipe. I was hungry, and about ready to eat my the fact that I actually took a picture is a miracle in its self.

If you want to see some pics of where they actually make it look appetizing head over  here, to Iowa Girl Eats. And throw this delishes and mostly healthy (I used LF sour cream) dish together. I will add that I didn't use the full amount of corn tortillas, I got mine from Trader Joe's, and I'm not sure if they were bigger or thicker than the ones she used, but it felt like the mixture would be much too dry if I added them all. And I even added about a 1/2 C more of the sour cream and enchilada just pay attention to the consistency. You want it slightly saucy, so that the creaminess really comes through. Other than that, I followed the recipe to a 'T'.

I may have selfishly hoarded all the leftovers for myself and made my boys eat bananas and peanut butter instead. I blame it on my baby, it was begging for a great big, leftover helping.

Speaking of "it" I cannot wait to be able to reference my baby as either a boy or a girl instead of "it". Feels so much more personable, and I always feel even more connected and in love to the little peanut once I can call it by a name.

Cole still insists it's a girl. And then informed me that this one would be a girl and the next one would be a boy......uh, yeah...had to break it to my little buddy that there probably would not be another. He didn't seem to mind, and is still so completely sweet to my growing bump. Multiple times a day both boys come over and start rubbing and kissing my belly. Bennett still refers to it as "beebee" and loves to snuggle his head on top of my bump, while gently rubbing it with his hand. It is soooo cute! Then he tries to pull up my shirt to see "beebee" but found that slapping my exposed belly makes a very cool sound. I had to put a stop to that, as the slaps got harder and know, the louder the sound, the better. Kind of made me feel like he was picking out a watermelon....

I have also been trying to explain to the boys that tomorrow we are going to have a party to find out what is in my tummy. Cole of course was all over that idea, and immediately started making plans for candles and cake.  He even made his own decorations that included baseballs and princess will definitely be displayed. I'm pretty sure he is expecting there to be presents, hoping his little bubble won't be burst too deeply. The cupcakes should help ease the pain at least.

So tomorrow, we find out, and hopefully I can get it up on the blog either tomorrow night or Saturday! Get ready to cast your votes.

Bow tie or Tutu? what's it gonna be????

Saturday, August 16, 2014


Last week a dear friend sent me a text with lyrics to a song, and just so happens to be the song that I clutched onto tightly after hearing the results of our first genetics screening. It would come on the radio every single time I got in the car. And every single time I would have tears streaming down my cheeks, trying to choke out the words as I let them flow from my heart. And every time I was reminded how much I need Him. And that same dear friend gently reminded me that we need Him so much when times are tough and sometimes even more when times are good. That, is precious truth.

Here are the lyrics that became the song of my heart. "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher.

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Thankfully this post is bringing joyful news, and I want it to be a constant reminder to myself to always sing the words "Lord, I need you,oh, I need you....every hour I need you" Especially now. Because I have good news, that definitely bares the imprint of God Himself. 

We got a call. An early phone call. A call that wasn't expected until this coming Tuesday.  Upon receiving the phone call I was almost positive we would hear the words that our baby would most definitely have Downs. And you know what? I had peace, Kyle had peace. I had a dream the night before that I thought for sure confirmed my assumption. I was excited, but more so, I was scared and worried for the possible surgeries, the possible health issues. 

But I had peace. 

Then that dear Genetics Counselor said, "I have good news" Your test came back very very low, low enough that we are calling it a negative result for Down Syndrome and Trisomy. And I let out a long deep breath, and through a shaky....barely audible voice said, "Thank you, we were blessed either way, but thank you for relieving me of the added stress." She told me to go and enjoy my pregnancy. 

"Lord, I come, I confess....bowing here I find my rest" 

I called Kyle and the second I heard his voice I started to sob, he of course...bless his poor heart, thought I was calling to tell him different news. Realizing what I was doing to him, I choked out "It's good, it's good news!" 

As of what we know right now, our baby is happy, healthy, and thriving. We could not ask for anything more. 

So we will continue to sing our praises to our Lord, and will let this be a wake up call as to how much we need Him, and to rely on Him for the big, the little and the in between. 

Again, like I have said probably a million times before, thank you to all of my sweet friends and family who have been faithfully praying for our dear little one. I could not wait to share the news with you all. 

Here's to praying I can relax and enjoy growing this little sweetheart even more. 

Friday, August 15, 2014

14 week belly

This is a week late, I'm actually 15 weeks as of today. which is kind of crazy...but has kind of felt like forever. I'm going to do my best to do updates every 2 weeks, maybe weekly (if I can ever get it together) the farther along I get.

How far along: 15 weeks (but this is for 14)

Total weight gain: Not really sure, last week I think about 4????

Maternity Clothes: Not really, except for some leggings.

Sleep: Well.....I usually fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow ( I think a first in my life!) However, we have had quite a few little wakers lately, and I have a real hard time falling back to sleep. And then my oldest likes to add the cherry on top by making 4:15 his new favorite wake up time (and no, it doesn't help to put him to bed later...he still wakes up early).

Best moment this week: Feeling little babes kick! It's what I most look forward to in pregnancy.

Miss Anything: Not feeling sick....nope, still haven't kicked it yet. Starting to feel like it will last the entire pregnancy. I optimistically told my OB that I didn't think I would need another refill (why do i do that to myself?) But so far I can only make it 1 maybe 2 days off it before I desperately need it again.

Movement: YES!

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Being hungry. I still have a complete aversion to cilantro, and it makes me so sad.  Sweets (who am I?) and coffee (again...who am I).

Have you started to show yet: I think so, and while I've noticed more stares at the belly, no one has asked me about it yet.

Gender prediction: I don't know.....I think I'm leaning more towards boy.

Happy or moody: Well, I think despite the waterworks that can easily happen regarding our current waiting situation, I've been pretty happy. I'm still trying to soak up everything about being pregnant. And I have two extremely cute little boys who like to come up and rub my belly..and Bennett has now started saying "beebee" while he touches my tummy. If that isn't a mood changer, I don't know what is. :) They also like to lift their shirt and look for their baby.....yeah.....about that.

Looking forward to: Getting rounder (in a good way), getting some results, and finding out the gender in a few weeks.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014


As my incredibly insightful 3 year old put it the other day.....

Cole: Mom, I really don't like to wait.
Me: I know honey, patience is hard sometimes.
Cole: (Big sigh) Yeah, I just really don't have the energy for it today.

I feel ya bud, more than you know.

Waiting. It's hard. Patience. Can be the toughest to find. And that is where we are hanging out these days.

I thought it was probably time to give an update. And I really want to take a minute just to say how incredibly blessed we have been by all of the comments, emails, texts, phone calls, and fb messages. What wonderful people we have in our lives, some days I find myself in tears reading the encouraging words. So thank you. Thank you to everyone that is taking the time to pray for us, for keeping our baby in your thoughts and prayers.

Your prayers have been the strength that has kept our hearts at peace. Honestly, it's true. The last thing I ever expected was to feel as much peace as I do. I still have my moments where I break, where I can't seem to stop the tears. Where my fears get the better of me. But I would have to say for the most part, we are ok. We are waiting. We are learning patience. We are learning trust.

We opted to get the more extensive blood testing vs. the amnio. The doctors would have preferred the amnio since it is diagnostic, and the blood testing is still considered "screening". But the blood test only has a 1% chance of false positive and absolutely no risk to the baby. It just didn't sit right in my heart to do something that could cause a potential miscarriage. Because really at this point, we know that whatever the results, it's not going to change our love for our baby. But with our choice came a two week waiting period for the results.

So we wait, and try to keep ourselves busy.

My love and I were actually able to get away to the coast for one night. I cannot even begin to tell you how refreshing that was for my soul, for our relationship, for our hearts. We actually had time to just sit, talk, and be together. I was reminded again why God put my man in my life. He knew I needed him more than I knew myself. I can't imagine walking this journey with anyone else. He is such comfort and strength for me. Our time at the beach breathed life into two weary hearts. And then we got to top of our time with our boys, my in-laws drove the boys to us and we all got to play in that salty air together.

Just what this mama needed.

We are blessed. So very blessed. And will continue to hold to the truth that God knows what He is doing. I will keep you all updated when we get the results next week.

Again, I cannot say thank you enough. It means the world. And our sweet little baby is kicking its thanks as well! :)

Saturday, August 2, 2014

A prayer for baby

So I went into this pregnancy knowing that this would be our last. I went into it with hopes of a smooth and undramatic 9 months. I kept telling God (notice the word, telling) that I didn't think my heart could take another pregnancy like I had with Bennett. I didn't want to be sitting on pins and needles helplessly praying that God would protect my baby, that he would be ok, that I wouldn't lose him before I even got to meet him.

And yet, here we are again. And I'm just barely into the 2nd trimester.

This week, it's been an emotional one. It started early in the week when I woke up at 1 am to cramping and a lot of blood. I cried the rest of the night, just sure that I was losing my baby. Thankfully the bleeding tapered off, and my ultrasound showed a strong beating heart and a sweet little thing kicking and sucking its thumb.

I opted to get the new genetic testing that is non-invasive, basically just so I could stare at my baby one extra time....those ultrasounds never get old. Kyle came with me, and we both left happy and stopped to grab a "waffle cone Wednesday" from TCBY to celebrate the strong little heart that flashed on the screen.

Then the phone call came. My doctor was on the other line, immediately I knew something wasn't right. She sounded sad, yet professional, she said my blood test came back abnormal, and that our baby has a 1 and 29 chance of being born with Down Syndrome.  There were a lot of other things said, but I couldn't comprehend much after hearing her words.

I hung up the phone and sobbed. I called Kyle and sobbed. I could hardly get the words out as I told my mom on the other line. I rubbed my belly and told my baby I loved it so much, no matter what any tests confirmed. 

My love, it remains the same.

And then I have been telling myself over and over that sometimes these preliminary tests are wrong, but not always and I needed to accept that. And that is what we have been doing this weekend. Processing, allowing some grieving but also finding joy and peace and trust.

The point of me sharing this, is so that we can cover this sweet baby with prayer. Not that you would pray that my baby won't have Down's, but that you would pray for health, and that whatever the outcome, our baby will have a strong heart. Pray for wisdom, for guidance, and that our baby will get to experience life to the fullest. Honestly, the first thought, wasn't that my baby could possibly be "special needs"  (praise God for those "special" rays of light, our world needs more of them in it!) but what grieved my heart the most was that my baby may be born with a shorter life expectancy, that I may lose precious time on earth with this baby that I love so dearly.   And I realize how very selfish that is. I'm more concerned about my time rather than God's. But I'm human, and a mother, and I love my babes fiercely. That, is my biggest struggle right now, the struggle that breaks my heart.

But fortunately it is a struggle and outcome that God knows. And I am finding so much peace in that.  

He knew before the thought of a third child even reached our minds.

He knew as He first began knitting this baby in my womb. He has hand-picked the chromosomes, and He has made this baby perfectly to fit and complete our family. What a joy it is to know that, to have that reassurance.

So please, I ask you, do not pray away Down's, if God chooses that for us, then I feel so incredibly blessed to walk this journey with our precious baby.

We just want a healthy pregnancy so that we can welcome this little one into our lives, and give him/her the best life possible with love overflowing.

We will be meeting with the Genetics specialists and discuss what tests should be done next (sometime this week), please pray for clarity as we make that decision. I refuse to do anything that could harm or put our baby at risk. But at this point, we feel it would be better to get more answers. So that, if the results are in fact reality, then we can begin networking and building a support system as we navigate how to raise our baby. 

Thank you for walking this journey with us. For praying with us. We are anxious, learning patience in waiting for answers, and are so incredibly excited to meet our sweet baby. We can't wait to watch God's plan unfold.