I have been having false labor off and on since I last posted about it. Some days by the end of the night my body feels as if it has run a marathon (not that I know what that feels like...but I'm imagining here). Contractions, cramping, pressure, nerve zings...but no progression into full blown labor.
We keep waiting for the moment when the cramping turns to real, "Honey, I can't do this" kind of pain. We keep wondering if tonight will be the night, or will I be the lucky one who gets to endure this falsity for several more weeks. Something that is entirely possible. And something I am determined not to complain about.
Deep down I'm still wanting to savor every last moment. When people ask if I'm ready to be done yet, I still respond with..."not quite". And then they usually look at me like I'm crazy and I can't tell you how many "OH, your one of those....."comments that usually follow. I smile and nod my head While Kyle is usually the one fuming and slightly offended for me.
Thankfully though all the contractions aren't just in vain, they are actually doing "stuff". At my last appointment I had progressed to nearly a 2 and am now 80% effaced. That's good news. Yes, it may mean that I could very possibly make it to 40 weeks and beyond...because lets be honest, babies will come when they are good and ready despite dilation or effacement. But I left my appointment not feeling defeated, and feeling confident that my body is working, it is doing what it is intended to do for the time being. And I'm ok with hunkering down awhile longer with this little babe tucked close for me to rub and pat and love.
And then here we are at 38 weeks:
Yep, that is one big belly. I'm actually wondering how much bigger it can possibly get.
How far along: 38 weeks and 4 days
Weight gain: 2 lbs....must have been all of my birthday treats that I just couldn't resist. But I actually weigh less at this point than I did with Bennett, so I'm guessing it is just the bigger bump hanging out at front.
Wedding rings on/off: ON, I can't believe it! Usually my fingers have turned to little sausages by now.
Stretch marks: Zip-zero
Best moment this week: Cole asking me if his baby brother was going to come after his next nap. (He is getting very eager to meet him!) Also, my hubby got offered a new job! I am so incredibly proud of him and his hard work.
Sleep: Oh you know, I have some good nights, and then some not so good ones.
Food cravings: Chocolate chip cookies. White cupcakes (thank you Joy for making them and mom for the yummy frosting---totally hit the spot). Mango Mochi, Salt & Straw's Salted Ganache and toffee ice cream, Peanut butter popcorn.....and dark chocolate M&M's. Green smoothies--Yay, for something healthy! I've still been on a mad granola-making kick.
Labor Signs: The usual. Heartburn...baby doesn't have much room left and seems to be pushing everything up. Contractions. Dilating and effacing. The pipsqueaks little noggin is even lower...and I can tell. I think this is the first pregnancy I have been in serious nesting mode. The other night I wanted our entire room vacuumed, dusted, sanitized and everything in place for baby. I started to panic the other night when I saw we were getting low on granola, and HAD to make some more stat. I'm also paranoid that I am going to go into labor and won't have time to shower, so showers have been a super priority. I'm constantly adding more clothes and stuff to the boy's bags (and have kind of lost track as to what all is packed now....)
Movement: He is still moving, but he is slowing down and rolling instead of his usual karate kicks. He still likes to kick me in the right side, and has been hanging out in my ribs. I love feeling his foot in my side, and have really noticed ow much bigger it has gotten the past couple of weeks. I'm sure going to miss all of his movements and watching my tummy move in wave like motions.
How are you feeling: I know I keep saying this, but I am still feeling really really good! If i can squeeze in a nap during the day, I feel even better! But honestly, I'm not sitting here wishing the baby out...of course I can't wait to meet him. But I am feeling so thankful for this pregnancy, for how smoothly it has gone, for being able to just enjoy it. For not having to spend most of my time at the doctor's office hooked up to NST's and ultra sounds. That was one of my biggest prayers, that I would truly be able to enjoy every moment and so far so good.
We are getting anxious and excited. Words really can't describe all the emotions tumbling around in my heart right now. Kyle and I keep talking about whether this little boy will look like Cole or Bennett or have a look completely his own. We are trying to prepare ourselves for the sleepless nights ahead, and enjoying the bits and pieces of time we have left as a family of four. I'm still really nervous about how Bennett is going to adjust to the a new baby. The other day I was talking to him about it and trying to explain that when his baby brother arrived he would be a big brother...and he kept slapping his chest saying, "No, me the baby!" He still loves to come and sleep with me in the morning, and I'm trying to wrap my mind around how that is going to work. I'm sure there will be some tears and some frustration. But I just pray that overall we will all be able to fall into a feasible and workable agreement when it comes to sharing mama. Because the last thing I want is for one of my boys to feel less important or less loved because of the attention their baby brother will need. But I suppose these are all kinks and adjustments that are made when dynamics change.
And now the countdown and waiting begins.....come on little one, your daddy would like you to come sooner rather than later so he can spend more time at home with you before starting his new job. I wouldn't be opposed to that, but most importantly, I want you to come when you are ready...when you are at your strongest, and when you are ready to meet this bright new world and your adoring brothers!