Big boy school--we're coming for you

Please, someone tell me this is not happening.

I'm happy.

I'm sad.

I'm nervous.

I'm stressed to my max

I'm excited.

I am, amongst all of the crazy mixed emotions that have led up to this day. I'm excited. For him. For what he will learn, who he will meet, how much he will grow.

This is a big one. It's a big year in our household.

My son just entered in to the next phase of life. And I don't feel ready for this...at all. I've been grieving so hard the past few weeks. It's weird, really. But I hear it's completely normal, and pretty much never goes away with your first.

And I'm going to be honest, this has NOT been a smooth transition. Nothing about it has been smooth, nothing ideal, nothing as I had ever envisioned. Yet, I feel completely led that this is exactly where God wants our little (big) boy.

I have been fretting over school since...well, practically since giving birth! The moment I met Cole in that delivery room, and held his warm skin next to my face, I wanted the best of everything in the world for him. The mere thought of letting someone else spend more time with him than me, his mama, just wasn't what my heart wanted. The main reason why I quit working and we figured out how to make it work for me to stay home full-time.

And it hasn't always been easy. We have had a lot of kinks and curve-balls during the past 5+ years. But it has been good.....so, so good. I will never have any regrets on that single decision to be a part of my boys' lives 24/7. I don't ever have to wish that I was there for his first word, first steps, first foods....I was able to kiss away every boo-boo and learn to release him as time would allow as he grew older and more independent. I got to witness things that no picture or video could ever replace. And yet, I knew our time would swiftly come to an end.

And it has....more swiftly then I feel my heart can take. They don't lie when they say the days are long but the years are short. Yes. About that.

These have been the shortest years of my life.

And just like much of parenting. The curve balls, unknown and flying the the seat of your pants.....the same rang true for us in deciding what school he should go to.

I thought I would home school, so we prepared a school/playroom. We prayed out about.

Then I knew in my heart of hearts that wasn't what was best,  it wasn't our coursse or what Cole needed and he needed more than I could offer him.

So we prayed some more.

A school got put on our radar, it sounded absolutely perfect to me...it took Kyle awhile to warm up to. But in the end it seemed like the best fit. It was part home school/ part public school. A perfect mix of both worlds.

He got the last place in his class. We were thrilled, excited, and felt this was best.

Two weeks before school was to start, we got a phone call.

He was bumped out of his class for some one who last minute applied and was in district.

Cue tears and heart break. And a lot of unknown, again.

More prayers.

Another phone call that there was no room in our first choice boundary exemption. I am freaking out at this point because the public schools were to start in just a few days. All summer I had prepared my heart for only having him away from me 3 half days.....not 5 full days!

Then randomly...I still don't know why. But I started a desperate school search. (we  had already done this months and months ago). I happened upon a Christian school that we had previously  dismissed because they didn't offer half day kinder....

Suddenly a box popped up on my screen as I went to their website.

"We are now offering half day Kindergarten"

We called, they took us for a tour the next day. For the first time Kyle and I both left, looked at each other and said, "this feels right."

So it's been a mad dash filling out more applications, getting assessments done, making it to orientations, buying a completely different list of school supplies and gearing up for dragging three kids to drop Cole off 5 days a week at what seems like the  crack of dawn!

I still cry about it. I was definitely that mom in the front row (thanks Cole) balling my eyes out during orientations months ago....

But with my tears I have peace. I know without a doubt this is where God has led us. He closed some big doors to get us to this point. And I so very excited to watch how this plays out.

Mostly I'm exited to watch where this boy is going to soar to as he opens up his wings.

Cole, your mama could not be any more proud of the young boy you are becoming. I hope you never lose your sensitivity, motivation, and love of building. I pray you fall deeper in love with Jesus and am so thankful you will have the opportunity to grasp an even deeper understanding of who He is as you study His Word. May He grip your heart like none other and may you choose to never let go.

You have some amazing trails to blaze ahead, blaze them wisely and thoughtfully (as I'm sure you will)

Love you with all my heart, to the moon and back, forever and ever. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to only have to miss your face for a few short hours.....I don't think I could bare much more than that! Because those eyes kind of kill me and make my day, every day.

Now go get em' and may you be stronger than your mother. ;)

(All Photos were taken by the amazing Amy Wennerlind of Amy W. Photo--thanks Amy!)