That's right, this little one in my belly has kept us guessing, praying, anticipating, praying, waiting, praying, longing, praying, and thinking....could this really be the day? The day that we get to meet those kicks and toes in person? We have been on a journey like none other waiting for Cole's little brother. A journey that has brought us flat-faced humbled before our Lord as we seemed to take one step forward and then two steps back. A journey that made us realize just how truly out of control we are with life in general, but how our all consuming God can speak life into existence. A journey that has grown us as a couple, as parents, and as children of God. I so look forward to the next leg of this journey...and so we wait, we wait for the perfect timing to meet our littlest man.
I can't believe my time with this big belly is almost up. Aside from all of the drama that it brought, I truly tried to enjoy carrying my little one close to my heart. Up until a couple of days ago I actually felt pretty good, and then it was like my body gave up and said heck with holding it together you need to tough out the last few days like everyone else. My doctor was convinced she would be delivering my boy several weeks ago....again, he surprised us and stayed close with me. I was off being monitored and then put back on as it seemed my fluids would drop, go back up, then baby boy would measure fine and then drop back another week...seriously kid. I have spent more time at the doctors office that it could be considered a full time job. Yesterday, I finally had a meltdown all the way to my ultrasound appointment. I was so tired of driving back in forth, waiting forever in the waiting room, and then having to stay for additional testing because he did or didn't do something....but most of all I felt like I was missing out on precious time with the one little boy I already had at home. It frustrated me that I couldn't soak up the last few days uninterrupted with him before we rock his world with a baby brother. I felt guilty that we don't have a solid place to call home yet, that he has to often wake up from his naps to find that I am not there, that he feels the needs to cling to my leg and cry if I walk out of his sight just for a moment, but mostly I felt I had no way of prepping him for the change that would soon be taking place in his little world.
Thank the Lord for family and friends that help put my emotions into perspective, and for a husband that calmly reassures me that I don't have a triple chin...even when I'm convinced there may be a fourth chin lurking under there somewhere.
So here we wait, if this little boy doesn't come sometime within the next 48 hours he will be forced out on Saturday. With the drop of my fluids, my doctor felt it would be best to get him out sooner rather than later. My body seems to be ready and well prepped, and after a long night of painful contractions I actually thought he would be in my arms by now....but no, I think he is in there smirking and chuckling to himself as he sends me a gentle reminder in the way of a heel to my rib that he is not ready to evacuate just yet. Fine by me little one, I count every day longer a blessing that you will come that much stronger. But boy oh boy am I anxious to meet you!
Tomorrow I am officially 39 weeks...a huge feat in my eyes. I cannot thank the Lord enough for helping me carry him this far! I am so incredibly excited that the suspense of this little man will be over in just a few short days. If I am still swollen and pregnant come tomorrow I will try and do a belly update to document the end of this nearly 10 month journey. Thank you to all who have remained faithful in prayer for our little man, we cannot wait to formally introduce him to the world!