Half way There little boy

I can't believe that this pregnancy is already halfway over. Up until this point I was wanting the days and weeks to fly by. I wanted to get to this point. I wanted people to ask when I was due. I wanted to wake up and not feel like vomiting. I wanted my shirts to get shorter and that belly bigger. And guess what? I'm here.

And now I don't want to be. I don't want to know that I only have 20ish weeks left to feel this baby's sweet kicks, to soak up these dances and jabs. I'm getting to my favorite stage of pregnancy, the not too big, not small...the just right stage.

The good news is, I have been off of my zofran for 3 weeks now! I refused to say anything, because any time I did, I was plagued. I have only had a couple days where things didn't quite stay down....but I no longer feel the 24/7 nausea that I had up until this point. I did however come down with a cold. A cold....a stupid little cold....that pretty much made me feel like I had been hit by a bus. 

And judging from how both boys have been acting this past week and a half.....I hope it was the cold speaking....otherwise, I am in for it.

I'm realizing how much I need the extra time with this sweet boy in my belly. My other two are not ready for him yet. This week. This week has been hard. Cole has proven over and over that the two's were not his most trying times...but the three's...almost 4's? Yeah, I'm feeling it. I'm finding myself at my wits end over and over and over again. And Bennett seems to be graduating into two-hood by being the ever so stereotypical toddler you here about, only he bumps it up a notch in true Bennett fashion. He can put on a screaming fit, raise the octaves by ten and carry on for a good 40 minutes.....easy. And over and over again.

Then I realize that I'm going to be juggling a third amongst these raging emotions, and I wonder how I will ever get a longer than my already-way-too-short fuse.

I'm a bit scared. Ok, ALOT scared.

But a lot more excited. I'm going to choose the excitement and joy over the worrisome and fear that sometimes grips my heart.

Because, halfway there. That's big. That's exciting, that's something to be thankful for.
 

I've also determined that this will be the last time I squeeze myself and my belly into that shirt. Just trying to get some last wear in some clothes before I fold them up and don't attempt to look at them for the next 6 months or so.

How far along: 20 weeks!!!

Total weight gain: No idea, I don't weigh myself in between appts.

Maternity clothes: About the same as before, jeans yes....tops mostly no. And still wearing out my maxi skirts and dresses while I have the chance.

Sleep: The past week has not been good. I toss and turn a lot, and then when I got sick i spent more time being awake than actual sleeping. Last night, I slept great! So I'm going to enjoy that for the day.

Best moment this week: This actually happened a little over a week ago, but we will go ahead and count it. After laying down in bed, Kyle reach over and laid his hand on my belly. At that exact moment baby boy gave one good solid kick! After many previous attempts, the little stinker would notoriously stop kicking the moment Kyle tried to feel him. So it was a pretty exciting moment for the both of us!

Food cravings: Still on an apple kick, love them....could eat them all day long. And carrots, raw, crunchy carrots. Lime popsicles (the only ones I can handle, the others are too sweet). Speaking of sweet, I'm still way into peanut butter M&M's but chose some dark chocolate peanut ones over the peanut butte this week.( and secretly I gave myself a pat on the back for choosing the healthier choice...in my preggo mind a peanut is less processed, therefore...healthier. And the dark chocolate...well, has antioxidants...healthy. I denied myself from thinking about the candy coating, and felt pretty good about my decision). I also, had my first craving of candy. while at Winco with Kyle and the boys, I got distracted while they were getting raisins. I proudly came around the corner with two bags of 1) cherry and blue raspberry sour patch candies and 2) candy corn. I may have gotten a "that's really disgusting" from the hubby. Well, that's fine...more for me! I had my first craving for coffee one morning, and promptly made myself a homemade mocha....and then sadly, never had the craving again. I'm back to my homemade chair tea lattes. And lastly, pumpkin. Pumpkin anything and everything...I want it ALL!

Food Aversions: Still can't think about sweet potatoes, beets, eggplant, and garlic. I have been using dried garlic, because the thought of mincing fresh garlic really makes me feel urpy.And desserts still don't ever sound appealing....I even turned down a frozen yogurt run tonight, so weird....so not me.

Have you started to show:

Yep.

Labor signs: The braxton hicks having been hitting hard this week. One night I was awake from 1-5 in the morning and was getting BH about every 15 minutes. They are also getting to the strength where they completely distort my belly.

Happy or moody: Oh man, I'm gonna have to go with super-extraordinarily moody. I think it was a combo of being sick, no sleep, naughty boys, tantrum ridden boys, and have I mentioned the extreme exhaustion???? Yeah, not a good combo.

How are you feeling: Actually despite being sick, I'm going to say good...because, well, when you aren't nauseous 24/7 and throwing up....anything feels better! And I am so so happy to not be on any more meds.

I have fallen completely head over heels with this little boy. I can tell already he is going to be active, strong, and want to keep up with both his brothers. While I am super anxious to meet his face, I don't want to rush it, and I don't want to wish away a moment with him in my tummy. It is such a special time I get to share with him. And I plan on enjoying every second to the best of my ability.

Also, I have been working on a 2 year post for Bennett boy...and with all the attitudes and tantrums it has been real hard to find the motivation to finish it. So hopefully I will have it finished before he turns 3. ;) I thought this post would be easier since the boy in my belly hasn't learned the art of disrespect yet.....

17 Weeks Bump

 

I realized I better get this up, because it will almost be time for another bump update. And week 17 was a big one. 

How far along: 17 1/2 weeks

Total weight gain: I had gained 4 lbs since my last appt, and that was huge! I think about 7 all together, so I am just a little behind my other two pregnancies, but have a feeling I will catch up really fast!

Maternity Clothes: Oh my goodness yes! Not everything, can still mix and match non with maternity...and honestly could probably go the whole belly band route. But for some reason, this pregnancy I am all about comfort and easy. And slipping on a pair of maternity pants are both. So done and done.

Sleep: I have hit or miss nights. Most nights I am so tired I pass out, but I have been having super vivid dreams. And find myself startled awake. I also tend to get starving once I am awake. Which leads to me munching on something in bed....I don't ever remember eating this much at night with either of the other pregnancies.

Best moment this week: Finding out we are having another boy! Seriously, hands down the best moment. And to see that everything appeared to be healthy and thriving. Good little boy, listening to his mama. :) 

Food Cravings: Ok, this is weird....spaghetti O's.....I saw it mentioned and HAD to have some. If it makes it any better, I bought the organic replica ones from Trader Joe's. I'm a little ashamed. But perhaps this next one will make up for it. I have been eating toast with peanut butter, sliced bananas, honey, and a sprinkling of cinnamon....all week long! It is sooo good! Also, currently my snack before bed consists of Joe's O's (Trader Joe's version of the cheerio, but way better tasting), honey, a handful of raw old fashion oats, raisins, and almond milk. I had my first "sweet" craving and gave in and bought a bag of peanut butter M&M's (hmmmm...I just noticed, there seems to be a pb trend happening). I can only handle 1 or 2 at a time, but they sure do hit the spot! I've also been craving steak....fixed that craving with pepper steaks from White's two days in a row. Yep, definitely growing a boy! Dry roasted almonds and apples (with peanut butter) are usually my go-to snacks. Mmmm...apples. 

Food Aversions: Thankfully this list seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Still can't do cilantro. Sweet potatoes and beets are a huge no-no as far as even thinking about them. And still can't do a whole lot of sweets and dessert. 

Have you started to show: Yes! I feel like I'm really popping out now, and it's starting to get that heavy feeling. 

Labor signs: I've started getting Braxton Hicks, I started around this time with Bennett, so not too shocked about it.

Happy or Moody: Well, it's been a roller coaster of emotions this week. 

How are you feeling: Today is day 3 with no zofran. I dry heaved several times yesterday, but as long as I didn't allow myself to get too hungry I seem to be ok. However, I seem to ALWAYS be hungry, it's annoying really. For the first time in my life I feel like a bottomless pit. Sometimes I am at a loss at what to eat to actually keep me full.

Can't believe we are getting closer and closer to the half way point. And still can't believe that we get another boy to add to our little football team. I see lots of fun in our future :)

Bow ties and tears

I know I had promised to have a post up almost immediately after the reveal. However, life happens. And we have been reeling with the news of a little girl gone to heaven way too soon. This sweet girl happened to be my niece's best friend. When something tragic like this happens, you can't help but ask why, you can't help but put yourself in the shoes of the parents who are living their nightmare. Makes me thankful we have a Heavenly Father who knows, who cares, who is there to carry the brokenhearted through the darkest of storms. I don't know what we would do without Him.

So yes, I will try to do a light hearted post with all the details of the reveal, but know that the day is intertwined with bitter-sweetness. It's a day i want to forever have engraved in my mind, because it was the day we fell deeper and deeper in love with our baby, but it is also a day that we were reminded of the fragility of life. We don't know how long we have on this earth, our days are numbered, and so are our children's. That's a tough truth, one that I think we know in the back of our minds, but try not to let it surface.... because it's a painful truth. It's also a beautiful one. If you know Jesus, you have hope beyond this world. And you have a Jesus who has walked through such darkness, such pain, sorrow and loss. He knows what it feels to have your heart shattered into teeny tiny pieces. He knows the salty tears, the unforgiving pain. And He cares. And He will carry you, when you don't think you can lift your head on your own. And might I even add, He will help you find joy again. I know, because I have seen it in friend's lives who have lost more than anyone can imagine, yet they walk with joy, because they have Jesus. Sweet, sweet truth.

So here I go, even though I feel a bit selfish to post such crazy excitement, such joyous laughter, and such beautiful moments. I want to, because maybe it will help this cloud that seems to have fallen over my heart. I want to celebrate this life, the one I have growing stronger and stronger in my belly.

Because it deserves it. Or should I say, "HE" deserves it.

And it brings me joy that I got to decorate one of the last "girly-ish" party that I will ever get to do. My theme was "Bow Ties or Tu-tus". I didn't go all out, just kept it simple with cupcakes adorned with either a tu-tu or bow tie. My dear friend made these for me, and bless her heart, the week she was to deliver them, she found herself in the hospital. But it didn't stop her from getting the toppers and the adorable ruffled garland to me in time for the reveal. Jill, you are amazing! Please check out her shop Ruffles n Such (link here). She is so much fun and so easy to work with!

And then here are the adorable tu-tus. She custom created them just for me! I may have cried when I first saw a mock up done of them.

The cupcakes were kind of my creation, and get this, no tears were shed while making them! If you are looking for a white cake recipe, this is it. I will share the full recipe in a following post. Because they are not only dreamy, but also easy...and there are endless possibilities with fillings and frostings!

We asked everyone to pick a cupcake with a topper of their guess. And we also kept track of guesses from all who chimed in on Facebook. As you can see, GIRL was by far, the winning vote.

Oh, and did I mention that we didn't know at this point what we were having either. The night before, Kyle suggested that we wait and find out along with the rest of our family! And honestly, I didn't think it would be possible. See, we have been trained to spot the "goods" rather quickly with both our other boys. So when we left the ultrasound appointment, we both looked at each other and asked if the other had seen "anything". Nope. Nothing. Which left me more confused, and I started thinking that we might actually have a little girl. Kyle started sweating bullets (no, really....he did) and was getting worried that he wouldn't know what to do with a girl.

Honestly, it was perfect. I liked that we left completely clueless since we bot went into the appointment so sure that we would see all boy pop up all over the screen. Made the reveal so much more exciting for us!

My little sister, again came to my rescue and whipped up two amazingly gorgeous tu-tus.  The plan was after everyone grabbed their cupcake, we would take the boys outside, open the card, and then we would all come in wearing either bow ties or tu-tus.

There were a lot of tu-tus and people sporting pink. Then came time for the reveal.

AAAAANNNNNDDDD........

The hardest part was after we opened the card and announced to the boys that they would have another brother. Cole's lip went way out, and in the saddest little voice goes, "but I really wanted a girl......"

As you can see, he still wasn't completely over it when we walked in to reveal to the family.

But he warmed up to the idea, and now thinks it's pretty cool!

And Bennett was fine with whatever, just as long as we didn't take his cupcake from him. Poor kid missed his nap that day, so I wasn't about to stir up anything....and may have let him eat the whole thing in place of dinner.

I, on the other had tears. I couldn't believe it...yet I could. When my mom asked if my tears were happy or sad...I quickly replied, "happy, so so happy!".

Kyle wiped the sweat from his brow and exhaled the moment he learned we would have another boy...secretly, that is what he was hoping for. (And he may have said, "major shopping spree diverted....")Me, I wasn't sold on either way. Honestly, I could see either being the perfect fit, but now that I know it's a boy....it just seems like the missing piece to our puzzle is now complete. I could not be any happier. I love, love, love having boys. And now I don't have to figure out how to do fancy braids or curls and buns. ;)

3 boys. Feels like a loud, very fun dream. And I can guarantee this is about the only use we will have for tu-tus in our future.....

And Kyle is gonna kill me for this last one.....

I may have let him dance around a bit...and took a lot more pictures....just to bug his daddy. 

But seriously, our hearts are full. And this little boy growing in me is starting to give me some good jabs, oh how I can't wait to meet his little face, and kiss his cheeks, and hold the hands that will be giving me some upper cuts to the ribs soon.

Soon, sweet baby boy..... I will make sure to have a brand new bow tie awaiting your arrival....just for you. We love everything about you, you complete this family.