Wednesday, June 27, 2012

To our knees....

Every mother's worst fear is to hear the news that something is wrong with their beloved child. No one wants to hear the words, "we are concerned and need to do some extra testing and precautionary monitoring."

Those are the words that met my ears yesterday as I sat balling my eyes out in the doctors office.

What was supposed to be a routine baby exam and glucose testing turned into a 3 hour emergency ultra sound and non stress test monitoring. The first concern was that my little boy was measuring small, and at first my doctor was going to have me come in next month for a growth ultra sound.  Something in me didn't feel right (the dr. later chocked it up to motherly intuition). And I asked if she really thought that the ultra sound should wait, she left to check my charts as I had seen a different OB at my last appointment. She came back and informed us that they wanted to do an ultrasound right away as the baby had been falling further and further behind with his growth for two months now.

At this point I was optimistic and actually excited to get the chance to stare at my baby boy one more time..and thought perhaps I could convince them to take a 3D shot for us.

That optimism fell short as the doctor came in to deliver the news that the ultrasound confirmed their concern. At that point the tears started.  Kyle had taken Cole out to the waiting room to get some wiggles out....and I tried my best to comprehend the words that were being spoken to me. The main point that hit home was that typically they aren't worried until a baby measures in the 10th percentile.....our little one was only measuring in the 3rd. Talk about heart-numbing words. 

However, there are many things to be thankful for, my fluid levels are great, and the umbilical cord is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. Both of which can be issues in this type of circumstance. AND it is also very possible that our little guy is just that....little. That is our hope. But to be on the safe side they are beginning strict monitoring of both myself and the baby twice a week until delivery, and if he doesn't improve they may have to induce early.

While I can't hardly wait to meet my baby face to face, I want nothing more than for him to stay in my belly until at least 37 weeks....that was my goal with Cole and he ended up staying put until 39. Hopefully this one will be as well behaved....and hopefully my body behave and will not create a hostile environment.

We have already been so touched by all the prayers and support we have receivedThis is just one more indication of our earthly shortcomings, we do not know what the future will hold...we can try and do everything text book right only to have that book close, and we reach a point where we can do nothing but wait, and hope, and have faith that God has everything under control. 

I am confident that God knows more than any ultrasound will ever tell us.

But in the mean time we are going to lift our baby boy up in prayer, love him with everything in us, and praise our Father for creating such a special life just for us. 


  1. Oh Caley, I'm so sorry. We will be praying steadfastly for you and your sweet family. I know how terrifying it can be to hear that something may be wrong with your baby in utero and I hope you can feel the Lord's peace throughout whatever happens. Lucy also measured very small and she is perfect - just small. I think she's never hit above the 10th percentile. But she's perfectly healthy.

  2. Caley, I am praying with you! Pregnancy is such a worrisome time anyways, so to know there is a real concern must make your heart so heavy. I can only imagine what you're feeling right now and am tearful as I write this. I am so thankful that God knit this baby in your womb, that He knew his exact size, weight, development before you even knew you were pregnant.

  3. You can count on many, many prayers from the Beamishes. Even right now. :)

  4. We will say prayers for your sweet little one, as well as peace and comfort for you!

  5. We are praying for you and the whole fam. Love to you guys

  6. A million thanks to all of you for your prayers, they bring peace in the midst of my concern and worry. I can't think of a better place for our little boy to be then to be lifted up in prayer. So thank you for giving us that.

  7. We are praying for you & your family, especially for your little one. Let's pray the Lord proves them wrong and that baby #2 is extra-ordinary in ways that only the Lord can show Himself in a healthy manner.Try not be moving heavy things in preperation for the upcoming move. Eat well and excercise and don't underestimate the power of the Lord!

  8. Caley, I am praying for you and Kyle and your precious little one. We know that God has this all under HIS plan. My prayer is for you...when the dark comes and the heart is more easily troubled. You are very precious to our family. May God's precious be so evident to you during this time and we'll join you in rejoicing in the outcome knowing it's HIS perfect plan. Joan Petersen