Every mother's worst fear is to hear the news that something is wrong with their beloved child. No one wants to hear the words, "we are concerned and need to do some extra testing and precautionary monitoring."
Those are the words that met my ears yesterday as I sat balling my eyes out in the doctors office.
What was supposed to be a routine baby exam and glucose testing turned into a 3 hour emergency ultra sound and non stress test monitoring. The first concern was that my little boy was measuring small, and at first my doctor was going to have me come in next month for a growth ultra sound. Something in me didn't feel right (the dr. later chocked it up to motherly intuition). And I asked if she really thought that the ultra sound should wait, she left to check my charts as I had seen a different OB at my last appointment. She came back and informed us that they wanted to do an ultrasound right away as the baby had been falling further and further behind with his growth for two months now.
At this point I was optimistic and actually excited to get the chance to stare at my baby boy one more time..and thought perhaps I could convince them to take a 3D shot for us.
That optimism fell short as the doctor came in to deliver the news that the ultrasound confirmed their concern. At that point the tears started. Kyle had taken Cole out to the waiting room to get some wiggles out....and I tried my best to comprehend the words that were being spoken to me. The main point that hit home was that typically they aren't worried until a baby measures in the 10th percentile.....our little one was only measuring in the 3rd. Talk about heart-numbing words.
However, there are many things to be thankful for, my fluid levels are great, and the umbilical cord is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. Both of which can be issues in this type of circumstance. AND it is also very possible that our little guy is just that....little. That is our hope. But to be on the safe side they are beginning strict monitoring of both myself and the baby twice a week until delivery, and if he doesn't improve they may have to induce early.
While I can't hardly wait to meet my baby face to face, I want nothing more than for him to stay in my belly until at least 37 weeks....that was my goal with Cole and he ended up staying put until 39. Hopefully this one will be as well behaved....and hopefully my body behave and will not create a hostile environment.
We have already been so touched by all the prayers and support we have received. This is just one more indication of our earthly shortcomings, we do not know what the future will hold...we can try and do everything text book right only to have that book close, and we reach a point where we can do nothing but wait, and hope, and have faith that God has everything under control.
I am confident that God knows more than any ultrasound will ever tell us.
But in the mean time we are going to lift our baby boy up in prayer, love him with everything in us, and praise our Father for creating such a special life just for us.