I'm really glad I chose to wait to post anything more until today. And here is why, I was running off of coffee and not much steam. I was emotional, irrational, and thinking through a glass half empty. And when I started writing this blog I wanted it #1 to be a way for me to document our life as we learn with our children. And #2 I wanted it to be used to encourage other mom's as we walk this windy road together.
Awhile back I read a blog post that had been taking over the FB world with a lot of force. And what was meant as a witty, sarcastic, and funny post about life with 3 children.....left me sobbing and feeling completely defeated. You see, I have dreamed of having 3 kids one day....but more often than not, I feel like there is no possible way I could do it. According to that blog post, my perspective on life and children would take a drastic turn the moment #3 enters my world. She didn't paint much of a picture of love and nurture, but of all the things that go horribly wrong with three. There didn't really seem to be much hope other than the small disclaimer at the end where she stated that she truly did in fact love her children. But she might as well have left that part out...because by the time I got to that line, my heart was already broken. She had done a great job to pin point all the doubts that I had been struggling with already and magnifying them.
I vowed that I never wanted to become one of those bloggers, the ones who write with their negative glasses on. The ones that cause other moms to doubt, to cry, to debate whether or not they have what it takes.
While I feel it is beautiful to write with honesty and depict true life...because lets be honest, parenthood isn't all butterflies and 1st birthdays. It's hard. It's challenging. But among all that, it is the one true thing (besides Christ and my hubby) that breathes life into my heart. If you aren't honest about the tough stuff, you aren't honest about life with littles.
I hope that in no way have any of my writings brought discouragement.
And let me tell you this, even if you have week long battles of defiance, or 20 months of no sleep. There are always days that wipe those from your memory. And mine came last night. Both boy's gave me nearly 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep--sweet, sweet blissful sleep. And Bennett actually went down for his nap, in his crib and not like this. ( it took a little convincing, a little standing over his crib, rubbing his back and telling him to lay his head down, over and over again.)
Or passed out on me, because that was the only way I could get him to sleep without screaming for hours and hours most of last week. (oh yes, when he makes his mind up to fight it....he fights it.) I think we had a 5 hour battle two nights ago....that persistence, will pay off one day...at least that's what I keep telling myself.
It's been a rough week around this joint.
On Mother's Day Kyle was telling me about a coworkers wife who got to take a weekend away with girlfriends for her Mother's Day. And to be honest, for a split second I was a bit jealous....I thought how just one night away to get uninterrupted sleep would be bliss. And then Bennett came running up to me, wrapped his arms around my neck, and leaned in for a kiss. And that moment of blissful thinking was taken over by blissful reality. Had I taken off for the weekend, I would have missed that. That spontaneous kiss, that squeeze that rocks my world.....every single time. And those are the things you can't get back if you happen to miss them.
That's what makes doing the nitty-gritty-feel-like-I-might-lose-my-marbles-if-I-get-woken-up-one-more-time, worth it.
And a solid night of sleep definitely helps in the perspective refresh. Sooooo much so. And it gives me the feeling that, yes, I can do this. I really, really can.
Especially when that same sleeping boy in the above pic, looks at me....points both index fingers in the air, and says "Bum mo" (one more) in reference to the jelly beans that he thinks he should get. And I give him one, because we are celebrating today, to a good night's rest.
Amen to that. Jelly Beans all around!