Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Davis: 4 months

If I had to choose one picture to sum up the kind of person Davis is. The above would be it.

This past month has been a month of seeing more and more of the incredibly sweet personality that flows from every pore of his little body.

It really doesn't take much to make his face go from serious to smiley boy. When he smiles, you feel it pulsate throughout his entire body.

He radiates joy.

I still am having a hard time grasping him and time. I cannot allow my heart to dwell on all the lasts I'm experiencing with him. I started selling, passing on and packing up his newborn and 0-3 month clothing. And every time I get ready to say bye to a favorite outfit, I cry. And it's stupid really, because they are just "things"and not eternal, and they take up space. However, the reality that never will I be buying one of my own flesh and blood clothes and diapers that tiny ever again, it's a bit crushing.  Kyle was shocked when I went from super excited that I was making a "sale" to crying in such a way that I could barely audibly tell him why it was that I was crying.

It's been the first "letting go" moment that I have had since he's been born.

I started putting him down for his naps this past week. My heart breaks a little every time I do. Because I know that this is just the beginning of even bigger "letting goes". Letting him go enough for him to grow up and become the person he is designed to be.

So I'm setting him down, I'm telling myself it will be ok.

And I'm snuggling him in deeper any other chance I get.

He is such a good snuggler. I have actually had several people tell me how much of a snuggler he is. How he just kind of melts into you when you hold him close. And it's true. Probably why it's been so hard to set him down. Because I know what I'm missing out on.

But you know what? He took on the change of routine like a champ. It's like he just aims to please around here. I have even set him down fully awake, and without even a hint of disapproval he closes his eyes and goes to sleep.

Huh? Are you even my own child?

Perhaps the thumb has something to do with it.

He is officially a thumb sucker. I had a hunkering he would be. The way he was always going for his fist and fingers. He actually put himself to sleep sucking his thumb last night and again tonight. I have been trying to leave his arms unswaddled to see if he sleeps better. So far it seems to be a success. And I can't stop myself from sneaking into our room to stare at him, with his little lips puckered, that thumb halfway in and halfway out as he sauntered off into slumber land.

Goodness he is sweet.

I was beginning to think that we were hitting the awful 4 month regression in the sleep department. But once he found that chubby little thumb things are looking a little brighter.

He is a champ eater. And very efficient.  He can be done in minutes flat (and obviously getting a fair share.....)

Check out the rolls and vanishing of wrists and ankles. He has officially grown cankles......with rolls.

Don't you just want to squeeze chubby babies? I do, especially mine. He is ringing in at just over 14 lbs and 24 inches. (20th percentile for both). So not quite as rolly polly as Cole was at 4 months (15 lbs) but definitely doing better than my scrapper Bennett....we're at least on the charts!

He has almost mastered rolling from tummy to back. And when on his tummy he has been pulling his legs up and getting that diaper bum into the air. He loves to stand and has an incredibly strong neck and legs. Even his pediatrician was proud.

He loves to blow spit bubbles. Like, they are always all over his chin...always. It's a good talent.

Still hates his car seat.  He will tolerate it for a little while, but never stays asleep for very long. But even when he is truly upset, he sucks in his lower lip and kind of whimpers through it....kind of like he's trying with everything in him to keep it together.

If he truly is upset, I can usually cheer him up by sending Cole over to him. He absolutely adores Cole. You should watch the way his eyes light up when he sees him. He loves Bennett too, but Bennett is more of a drive-by-love kind of brother. He will stroke his head while running past him, or say "boop"every time he pokes him with a finger. I've actually had to say "No more 'booping' him!".

The other day I had Davis in one arm and with the other I was walking...more like dragging....Bennett to a time out. Bennett was flailing and wailing and Davis stared and stared, then started belly laughing. Soon we were all in a much better place, pretty hard not to join in when the belly laughing starts.

But him and Cole....it's special and breathtaking to watch.

There is so much I want to say about him. Yet, sometimes words don't seem sufficient.

He has brought new light into my soul, and a gladness in my heart.

If I don't constantly give his life over to God, I find that I can become paralyzed by fear. Fear that he or any of my boys might be taken prematurely from me, from my arms. Fear that I won't be there to catch them if they fall. Fear that I will fail them too many times, that they will learn from my sinfulness and not enough of my grace. Fear that they will take the wrong paths in life, that I will somehow lead them astray. Fear that I won't be ready to really, really, really let go when they need to fly.

Even as young as 4 months and I worry about the future or not being "present" enough or possibly too present. So I'm relearning what I have been learning with my older boys....to trust the one who created him. Accepting that God has given me today, and my capabilites and finding freedom in that.

Allowing my heart to be filled completely to the brim with the joy that my boys give me. Reminding myself to let go of the hard, intense and discipline heavy days and embrace the good, laughter filled ones instead.

Crazy how a boy, who has only been in my world for 4 months has brought so much knowledge and clarity. He has taught me so much, when I feel like it should be the other way around.

I want to live life like he does. I want his trust and abandon and joy.

I hope he never loses his joy.

I hope and pray God continues to work His way in my heart so that I can continue to raise him and his brothers in truth, light, and love.

How blessed we are to know this ray of sunshine. How blessed we are to call him ours.

4 months little man...... 4 months.


We love you with everything.

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