Friday, October 4, 2013


My heart is heavy.

As a mother you want to do everything in your power to protect your children. You don't want them to get hurt, be sad, or get scared.

Yesterday afternoon while we were playing "park" a game Cole invented and we play pretty much every single day, sometimes two or three times a day. It's super simple, and one of the biggest reasons we haven't coughed up a bunch of cash to purchase some new couches that we so desperately need  want. You just pull off every couch cushion and toss them all over the floor, create "slides" with some of them, and then let your kids go to town climbing, tumbling, face planting all over them. Personally Bennett loves to catapult himself over the "slide" section....that boy, the death of me....

We were all having fun, then out of the blue Cole pops up on the couch and starts talking about a man and night-night. My heart sank a bit, as I encouraged him to tell me about this man. He said he sees  him when he closes his eyes, and he opened and came out of his closet and "he dary mama". He said he got big, big, bigger and put on big shoes. There was something about a spot on his door, that the man left through to go downstairs. His story went on for at least a half hour. Listening to my little boy's voice tell me in little boy fashion about this "dary man" that comes out of his closet pretty much haunted my own heart.

His nap time he was nervous and fidgety. He went down fine but then started screaming about 45 minutes into his nap, I went up to be with him and let him know I was there with him, that Jesus was there with him, and if he felt scared all he needed to do was say, "Jesus, I need you". There is something completely innocent and sweet in hearing the words "Desus, I need do" coming from a nearly 3 year old's mouth. He asked me to remove all of his sock monkey's and stuffed dog from his room, and then he went down and slept for maybe 45 minutes (nothing compared to his usual 2 hour nap that he needs).

So suddenly I find myself trying to figure out how to explain to my little boy that this man isn't real. That he was dreaming him, that God is bigger and more powerful than this man? Then my mind wanders to the spot of questioning is this my fault? Did he see something scary on one of his shows that he watches? Is it something he saw while we were out and about, was there something I could have done more to shield him from this scary man?

I try my hardest to monitor everything that gets put into my little boy's brain. I am reminded of the old school "Mcgee and Me" (anyone?) episode of when Nick really wants to go see a scary movie, and his parents tell him "no" and explained that his brain and heart are precious, he needed to protect what he puts in them, because once it's in, there is no taking it back.... no erasing it. The whole garbage in, garbage out idea.

While he isn't old enough yet to know what to shield his mind from, I am.  I have tried to protect his little mind, and I can't help but feel as if I should have done more.

I'm not really sure what to do next, as this stage of being scared at night is all new to us. We have decided not to bring up the man unless he does, to continue to pray with him nightly, to try and teach him more about the mighty God we have, and to reassure him that we will do everything in our humanly power to protect him.

This is the part of parenting I don't like, to watch my child wrestle with something so hard to understand. I wish there was any easy fix.

Any other parent's out there who have gone through something similar, I would love to hear your advice on how you helped your little one get through this. Thank you!


  1. Caley, that is so hard. I don't have a solution but we had a similar situation with Aubrey. She was very sick one night and spiked a high fever and I'm pretty sure she hallucinated. She said she saw eyes everywhere. And she screamed like I've never heard her scream. I honestly thought it was a spiritual attack on my daughter and on our home and I prayed with my arms around her, outloud, something like, "JESUS, OUR LORD, OUR PROTECTOR, lives in this home and in our hearts. We know He is here now and we will not allow this darkness to come in. Lord, please take these images away from Aubrey and heal her." I wanted to make sure that whatever darkness was around would not win and would flee at the name of Jesus. :)Occasionally she sees certain polka dots on things and tells me they remind her of the eyes she saw, but she hasn't had the terrifying dreams anymore. And we pretty much don't go shopping until Halloween is over. It's ridiculous. You have not done anything wrong. Just keep praying the name of Jesus with Cole and do exactly what you're doing. God is so much bigger and stronger and mightier than any 'dary man' that comes into his imagination. That makes my heart sad, though. I hate that these boogeymen even exist in our little ones' heads. You're such a good mama to immediately point Cole to the One who can beat up that bad man. Hang in there.

  2. Caden got scared of Mickey Mouse of all things when he was little. It was a video game and the "bad guy" came in through the window. Thought nothing of it until he woke up in the middle of the night screaming that somebody was going to come in through the window. He proceeded to wake up every night screaming or crying for quite a while. I would pray with him out loud. Have him talk to Jesus out loud, so that everything scary could hear him. Jesus is the only one who is all knowing and ever present.
    Eventually he stopped crying and seems to have forgotten. You did the correct thing in having him call for Jesus. You can't ever protect your children from everything bad in this world, but you can give them the resources to battle Satan. I will pray that Coles scary man does not enter his mind tonight. Love you guys.